patience
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So Many Dreams, So Little Patience

2am, any early morning between October and May of 2007-2008.  Tuthill performance hall, Rhodes College.  18 year old Kat sneaking into the performance hall with the code she’d memorized, playing piano and belting full-voice for hours and hours with printed sheet music.  Incessant stalking of musical theater idols.  Slow-burning dissatisfaction that she–I–wasn’t in school to pursue theater, but lack of gumption to do something about it.

 

The catalyst for actually pursuing theater came the summer following freshman year.  I knew I wasn’t challenged or happy where I was, but didn’t know how to get out of it or where to go.  Thanks to the happenstance of a mentor-friend’s advice, my mother’s patience, and some glorified community theater, a new (very scary) plan was forged: leave Rhodes, attend community college for a year, and audition for a couple theater schools.

 

It was a huge leap of faith, but it worked out (mercifully).  I spent the bulk of college performing in the Dallas area while finishing my theater degree and started traveling with theater gigs the fall after graduation across the country, to Tokyo, Japan, on a boat, to Alaska, to Canada, to New York, on a tour, out, and back again.

 

I continue to love performing, but the love is well-worn, and as I approach the big 3-0 (okay, in 3.5 years, but still) I recognize the same feeling I had almost a decade ago: a need for a great, big, impossible challenge, a different set of muscles and brainpower to challenge and stretch and grow, a need to achieve something totally new.

 

Personal training certification had long been a goal, but the problem-solving, creatively bent facet of my make craves an adjacent challenge.  So I’m building Captain Kat.  I’m building the Better Body Challenge.  I built an app that’s living in limbo until I can afford to develop it.  I have a brand new project in the works (again, all under this same umbrella).  The underlying big-scary that I’m seeking?  Class.  School.  Technical Skills.  The confidence and know-how to build something I’m proud of and challenges me and scares me in the fun, healthy way.  A community to support these endeavors.  Though theater was technically only a viable career in my world beginning midway through college, there were so many steps and stumbles on the way to fairly consistent gig-work.  Piano lessons since 6, dance lessons since 3, choir my whole life, a couple high school musicals, a year of community college, 2 years of theater school BFA, a sizable handful of community theater shows, regional theater as a local actor, and then getting out and doing the big-and-scary.  I have a giant network of theatrical friends and mentors.  I love this world.  I know this world.

 

I built my app 6 months ago, I built Captain Kat four months ago.  The number of friends I have in the entrepreneurial/technical world are mostly only acquaintances, and I can count them on one hand.  Starting something completely new is overwhelming.  But I remember feeling overwhelmed by the processes of the theater world–how to make friends, how to network, how the union worked, where to take voice lessons, where to take dance lessons, when to move to New York, how to audition, where to audition.  All of this is second nature to me now.  I don’t even think about it.  And–difficult though it may be–I have to remember that while I build up this second (hopefully–dare I say it?) career.  I’m as excited and inspired and terrified as I was with theater.  Do I have the aptitude?  The gumption?  A big enough brain?  The persistence?  The drive?

 

 

….I think so?

 

Do I need to relocate?  How do I build a community?  Where do I find mentors?  What classes do I take?  I can only hope I find answers to these questions sooner rather than later, and hustle and try and fail and succeed and persevere until it all becomes real.

 

So many dreams, so little patience.

 

Thanks for following the journey.

 

xoxo,

Captain Kat